my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
