Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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