Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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