my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
