i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
