ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Still dying that you shit outside
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
