It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
