Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
