just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My liver just had a heart attack.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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