So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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