you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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