Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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