3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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