i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
