i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
