my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
