Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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