that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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