someone threw a dead crab at me
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
