Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
