I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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