FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
