real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
