best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
