I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
