I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
