what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
