I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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