I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
