he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
