don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
