i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
