my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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