we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize