We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
