If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
