hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
