did you get engaged???
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
