32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
