My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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