Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
