If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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