I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
