Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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