I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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