Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
