I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
