I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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