I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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