whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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