What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize