talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
