Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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