Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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