I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
