Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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