Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
