everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize