Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
