At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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