my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
