Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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