I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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