giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I will be naked everywhere
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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