and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize