...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
