does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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