can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
