I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
