Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
