just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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