I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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