Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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