I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
