My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
